Feels like the beginning of something that could be pretty great, but it's really a one-off, one-joke piece, so in my personal opinion that joke should come much faster because it takes a little long to get there. Plus I feel like I'm seeing Spock get his fate for a bit too long.
Nice work on the voices too - not totally professional but captures the spirit - and the ship was pretty cool.
I'd like to see some more movement in the bodies, not just sliding across the screen. Also have you considered expanding this out, getting the crew to find Spock and go to battle with this monster? You could have a lot of fun and jokes with that. Also I believe it would be more engaging because now you have conflict and a story, and the viewer is going to want to know who wins.
Anyway, good work overall and would love to see what happens with an episode like this when it's really played out more fully.
Thanks for the comment. I'm going to have to work harder on my next project. I'm still learning so, thank you for all the great advice.
They say it's easier to dial down than up in animation, so you're in a good spot here because the movement is way over-exaggerated which is actually a bit tough for me to watch, nonetheless nicely drawn and generally appealing to look at from that angle.
Not sure why the front feet come down so hard in a single frame?
Also would try to loosen the spine up - it's way stiff.
Head all the way around is the most distracting to me at least.
Good overlap on the tongue and decent on the tail.
A little long and repetitive - I think most audiences would get to the punchline long before this video does - but not bad.
Also for future thoughts, I would try a few additional poses for the guy pumping water.
Thanks for your comments :)
Really great cartoon choices; very disturbing.
Ending was much too long; I got the punchline pretty much right away - adding seconds didn't help.
Good work overall. The fall before the car and the fall into the car were well-done.
Personally I hope your other work is brighter!
Very nicely drawn and paced - great transitions as well! Reminds me a little of The Danish Poet, https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iTef0HWbW_M
I'd love to see this expanded out, a full story of the great grandmother and the relationship, maybe how the relationship grows even as the woman is dying, could be an interesting contrast.
Only small critique is the shot going into the barn house, which I feel could be composed better.
"do you ever feel already buried deep
six feet under scream
but no one seems to hear a thing"
- beyoncé, 2010
I like a LOT of what's going on here. It's not a success, but you've got a really great sense of style that I appreciate. I like the "PLOP"s on the screen, which work really loud.
If I'm correct about how you're animating the mouths (e.g., animating on top of video), it's still rotoscoping. But maybe you're doing something different - not sure.
A few critiques that will help along the way:
- the lip sync, though probably rotoscoped, is off in places, which is one of the weird things about animated lip sync - you have to be early a frame or two much of the time;
- Also the lips move way too much. I'd suggest finding the syllables you want to emphasize and broadening those, but leave most of the mouth closer to shut. It's way distracting.
- The kid's head goes up when he speaks like bad puppetry rather than chin down. Perhaps this was a stylistic choice, but for me it's not working.
- Probably the biggest critique, there is a lack of emphasis and so much going on that the viewer is going to miss most of it. It's a fireworks show of every single pyrotechnic going off at once (and everything super-saturated besides). You need to really concentrate on composition and emphasis, and on limiting your choices, something I've also had to learn. That duck with a cigarette was hilarious - but I didn't even see it till the third time through this video!
By the way, where did that soundtrack come from? It sounds 60s maybe?
Awesome and keep going!
Super-impressed that you are able to mimic the WB / Chuck Jones style so well.
It's either the playback or something, but the lip sync is consistently late 2-3 frames. That's pretty much my only criticism.
Nice drawing, nice style, fantastic facials. Really, really great!
Mel Blanc was so amazing - a great choice of VO (risky to cartoon another cartoon, but you've done it so well).
I think the audio shifted a little when I converted to this format. :-/
Really love how the characters' eyes tell the emotional content of what is going on. Such simple, non-moving drawings, yet I'm drawn in without all the fireworks.
Wondering what your aspect ratio is? 2:35? I don't usually see something this wide.
Story-wise, the only disappointing thing is that it seemed that the question of whether they (or he) got the monster should be resolved.
Music gets a little old and probably should have some contrast.
I'd also like to see greater contrast in the animation to emphasize each scenes' meaning.
Very nice work!
Thank you! The aspect ratio is 2560x1080. Also, yeah, I could have done a bit better but it was mostly due to time restraint that I couldn't. But still, thank you! :)
Very nicely drawn and animated!
There is some inconsistency of style in various portions (esp. going toward the "cartoony" sad in the face at the end, which was derivative and deriving from the wrong source). Also, the meaning was not clear to me - I got it on a visceral level, but there was so much jumping around in imagery and idea that it was more of a smattering and less of a story.
Overall, very nice!
I noticed my inconsistency and even if I could explained why, there should be no excuse as an animator. However, I will try to give in my inconsistency and create something out of it. As a story, it could, as many have mentioned, that It could sink in more that the meaning and its entire arc is understandable. Because, If one do not understand, then its no excuse and its a given that I failed to make it coherent. But, I will always accept clear criticism like this to help me understand in future projects. I thank you sir!
I like the shot of the girl walking by Joey, who stands in front of the bushes. Nice drawings as well. I personally would appreciate a little more full animation (e.g., in that same shot referenced, only Joey's head turns, but his shoulders and torso should twist as well).
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